I want a divorce but my spouse doesn't

“My spouse is spiraling out of control because they don’t want the divorce. What do I do?”

Your divorce experience is based on your emotional acceptance of the divorce, which is likely different from your spouse’s.

You have resolved that divorce is what you want. The news that you want this divorce is not likely a huge surprise to your spouse but they probably never thought it would actually happen. Now it is really happening and they don’t know how to cope with the rejection.

You are stuck. If you are too nice then it sends them a false signal that you want to make the marriage work. If you pull away and try to show no emotion then you are accused of being cold and insensitive. You are likely getting very weary of the roller coaster of kindness and hatred that your spouse shows you.

You are expected to make big decisions when you are emotionally not at your best. You need to be very careful not be so indifferent that you cause your spouse to further spiral to a point where they are consumed with punishing you by getting an attorney and starting a big war.

We understand what you are going through. We can help you manage your behaviors and help to establish boundaries and expectations with your spouse so you feel emotionally safe. The biggest mistakes in a divorce normally are made before the divorce even begins. Let us help you avoid costly mistakes in how your deal with your spouse.

If you would like to talk to a mediator about you situation please use our Divorce Cost Estimator  below by clicking the button and a mediator will contact you to give you some option on how to deal with this emotional dynamic.

We specialize in these types of divorce situations. We help coach you on what to say to your spouse and when to say it. We identify potential hazards for the divorcing couple to be aware of and guide you away from these hazards.

Other Related Topics

There is a right way and wrong way to tell your spouse you want a divorce. Resolve that when you tell your spouse of your desire to get a divorce that you are NOT going to discuss any of the divorce topics or make any assumptions about who is going to get what or decisions with the children. Only discuss that you are going to divorce and how you want to divorce. Let them know that you would like to have a mediator that does not take sides educate you both together about all of the debts and assets and the children but that you don’t want to agree or disagree to anything right now. Sometimes writing a letter to your spouse instead of having a discussion can be more effective. That allows them to process first before they react. Here is a sample letter that many of our clients have used.
Sample Letter to Spouse


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